We are more familiar with the denial system of the addict, which served to protect addicts against the painful reality of their lives. But we are less familiar with the denial which exists in the system the addict exists in e.g. the family.
This is where the family system does not admit the addiction problem of their loved one. This manifest for e.g. the spouse making excuses for their loved one excessive drinking or using. Parents making excuses for their children using drugs, alcohol and inappropriate behaviour. Or adult children making excuses for the trauma they experienced due to a parent’s using drugs or alcohol.
This denial could be due to an array of reasons, but as discussed before the root of denial is based on the reality being too painful.
What is this painful reality then? In my opinion just like the addict denial, the painful reality is based on a lack of understanding of the disease of addiction. So a parent who does not understand that addiction is a disease could blame themselves for their children using. This guilt could be the painful reality that parents do not want to confront. The other issue is that once they accept the addiction of the addict, they need to take action, and the actions are often too scary to deal with and is thus avoided. In the case of a spouse, the denial could be based on a belief that if they were a better spouse their partner would not use and drink as they do. So this belief of not being good enough could be what they do not want to confront. In the case of adult children, the belief that they as children were somehow responsible for their parents using and drinking, is too painful to deal with and thus they try to be perfect.
Like the addict, once the system’s awareness is raised about the disease of addiction and it is internalized, the denial slowly is dismantled. The members of the system understand that their loved ones are suffering from the disease of addiction and need to be treated. Once they have insight into the disease of addiction they can make an informed decision which is more effective and move from making decisions about their loved ones, from a place of guilt, shame and fear.
SHARING IS CARING
