Families and loved-ones of addicts and alcoholics are shocked when they become aware of the extent of the addicts using and the adverse consequences thereof. This is usually due to the addict concealing of the using and consequences, from those around them. An alcoholic might hide bottles all over the house and secretly drink while gardening. A compulsive gambler might have secrete banking accounts to conceal the fact that he is gambling. The loved ones of addicts never see them using.
What is at the root of this secrecy? If the addict believes he does not have a problem, why then conceal the using/drinking/acting out. More often than not, they are avoiding a confrontation, not so much with their loved ones but with themselves. When the using/drinking/acting out is exposed, the addict is confronted with the reality of his relationship with his drug of choice. His loved ones will raise the fact that this relationship is out of control, and that the addict needs to stop (seek help). The addict denial is thus confronted. The secrete using/drinking/acting out, keeps the addict in a state of denial where they believe they are not addicts, and the exposure challenges this belief. It thus begs the question, who is the addict hiding the reality of their out of control using from, yes they are hiding it from themselves. The exposure thus forces them to confront themselves with the reality of their consumption of their drug of choice and their behaviour.
The lesson for family members is not to be coerced into keeping the secrete but to confront it and expose it. Also to be aware of the extent the addict will go, to hide the reality of their addiction from themselves. This includes being dishonest with those around them but more importantly, lying to themselves. They will lie about drinking or using when all evidence point to the fact that they have been using/drinking/acting out.
So they lie to you, saying “I did not use, drink or act out.” They know they lying, you know they lying, they know that you know they lying, so why do they continue perpetuate the lie. Or who are they lying to? They are lying to themselves, as facing the reality of addressing their addiction is too confronting for them for various reasons. The dishonesty is the reality of addiction. In a way, it is one of the ways addict protect their addiction.
Are you at the point where you are tired of the lies and manipulation?
SHARING IS CARING
