As mentioned in my previous post, people close to the addict often do not have access to the support and help which the addict has when they enter into recovery.
They often have to deal with unresolved trauma, hurt, fear, anger etc on their own. Loved ones developed coping mechanisms to deal with the harshness of active addiction and these coping mechanism have become entrenched over years of exposure to the active addiction of the addict. They had to absorb most of the responsibilities of the addict due to their addiction. Their trust in the addict is nonexistent due to being lied to and manipulated over the years. Anger and resentment build up and is often not expressed for fear of the addict’s unpredictability and labile emotions. This does not change once the addict enters into treatment or recovery. The adjustment to the addict in recovery is usually slow and with an attitude of being cautiously optimistic.
These adjustments can be tricky and tenuous, and the balance between trust and being cautious, fear and faith, forgiveness and boundaries, my stuff and their stuff etc is often difficult to find.
It is advised that people in early recovery be sensitive and patient to their loved one’s adjustment and process. This is often uncharted territory in these relationships. It could be that loved ones never experienced the addict clean and sober. Loved ones are tempted to think once the addict is clean, that everything will be good. Or that loved oned do not have to change only the addict does. In my experience this is not the case, the whole system needs to readjust. However, this new experience can be extremely rewarding for the whole system.
Struggling with adjustment?
SHARING IS CARING
